To beat or not to beat a child - the consequences of physical punishment of children

Why do many parents actively use physical influence on their own children? The reasons behind this phenomenon are quite deep. But physical punishment, as extremely harmful, can be replaced by much more effective and humane alternatives.

Some claim that "it is necessary to spank a child until it grows up". And this is a tribute to tradition. Indeed, in Rus', birch rods were an integral element of education. But today everything has changed, and physical punishments are equated with medieval executions. True, for many this question is important and remains open.

Key reasons for the use of physical punishment in the educational process

A huge number of parents use force in raising children and do not think about what consequences this can provoke. It is customary for them to fulfill their parental duty, generously giving children slaps on the back of the head. Moreover, in order to maintain discipline, an object of intimidation is often hung in a conspicuous place - a belt, etc.

What are the reasons for such furious medieval cruelty among modern moms and dads? There are several reasons:

hereditary causes. Most often, parents take out their own childhood grievances already on their child. Moreover, such a father or mother usually does not realize that there is an upbringing without violence. Their confidence that the slap fixes the spoken educational words in the child is unshakable;
Lack of desire, as well as time for raising a baby, holding lengthy conversations, explaining his wrong. After all, it is much faster and easier to hit a child than to sit down with him and talk about his misdeeds, help him understand his own wrong;
Lack of even basic knowledge about the process of raising children. Parents pick up the belt only out of hopelessness and ignorance of how to cope with the "little monster";
Taking out resentment and anger for one's own failures, previous and current. Often parents beat their own child only because there is no one else to break loose on. The salary is meager, the boss is cruel, the wife does not obey, and then there is a mischievous child spinning underfoot. And the parent gives the ass for it. Moreover, the louder the child cries and the more he is afraid of his father, the more he will come off on the child for his own problems and failures. After all, a person needs at least in front of someone to feel his own power and authority. And the worst thing is when there is no one to intercede for a child;
Mental disorders. There are also parents who just need to scream, beat the child, arrange a showdown for no apparent reason. Further, the parent reaches the required condition, presses the baby to him and cries with him. Such mothers and fathers need the help of a doctor.

What is physical punishment?

Specialists refer to physical punishment not only the direct use of brute force in order to influence the child. In addition to belts, towels, and slippers, and cuffs, and punishment in the corner, and pulling hands and sleeves, and ignoring, and force-feeding or not feeding, etc. are used. But in any case, one goal is pursued - to hurt, to demonstrate power over the child, to show him his place.

Statistics: most often, children under 4 years of age are subjected to physical punishment, since they still cannot hide, defend themselves or be indignant at the question: “For what?”

Physical influences provoke a new wave of disobedience of the child, which, in turn, leads to a new surge of parental aggression. Thus, there is a so-called cycle of domestic violence.

Consequences of physical punishment. Is it okay to hit a child?

Are there benefits to physical punishment? Of course not. The statements that the carrot has no effect without the whip and that a light spanking is useful in some situations are false.

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After all, any physical punishment turns into consequences:

Fear of a parent on whom the child is directly dependent (and at the same time loves). This fear develops over time into a neurosis;
Against the background of such a neurosis, it is difficult for a child to adapt to society, find friends, and later - the second half. It affects the career as well;
Children brought up by such methods have extremely low self-esteem. The child remembers “the right of the strong” for the rest of his life. Moreover, he will use this right at the first opportunity himself;
Regular spanking affects the psyche, causing developmental delays;
Children who constantly concentrate on waiting for punishment from their parents are unable to concentrate on lessons or games with other children;
In 90% of cases, a child beaten by parents will do the same with their own children;
Over 90% of abusers were subjected to parental abuse in childhood. Probably no one wants to raise a maniac or a masochist;
A regularly punished child loses a sense of reality, stops solving pressing problems, stops learning, experiences constant anger and fear, as well as a desire for revenge;
With each stroke, the child moves away from the parent. The natural bond between parents and children is broken. There will be no mutual understanding in a family with violence. Growing up, the child will bring many problems to tyrant parents. And in old age, an unenviable fate awaits parents;
A punished and humiliated child is extremely lonely. He feels broken, forgotten, thrown to the sidelines of life and unnecessary to anyone. In such states, children are capable of doing stupid things such as going into bad company, smoking, drugs, or even suicide;
Having entered the courage, parents often lose control over themselves. As a result, a child who has fallen under a hot hand runs the risk of injury, sometimes incompatible with life, if, after a cuff from a parent, he falls and hits a sharp object.

Children cannot be beaten. There are viable alternatives

It must be remembered that physical punishment is a weakness, not a strength of the parents, a manifestation of his insolvency. And excuses like “he doesn’t understand differently” remain just excuses. In any case, there is an alternative to physical violence. For this:

You should distract the child, switch attention to something interesting.
Engage your baby in an activity in which he will not want to be naughty and capricious.
Hug the baby and convince him of your love. After that, you can spend at least a couple of hours of your own “precious” time with your baby. After all, the child does not have enough attention ( We also read: ).
Come up with new games. For example, you can collect scattered toys in two large boxes, who is the first. The reward can be a good bedtime story from dad or mom. And it will work better than a slap or a cuff.
Use loyal methods of punishment (deprivation of a laptop, TV, going for a walk, etc.).

READ ALSO:

To hit or not to hit? The story of a condemned mother -
8 loyal ways to punish children. How to properly punish a child for disobedience -
7 gross mistakes of parents during quarrels with children -
How not to punish a child
Is it necessary to punish a child at 3 years old: the opinion of parents and a psychologist -

It is important to learn how to get along with the child without punishment. There are a lot of methods for that. There would be a desire, but you can always find an alternative. It is important for any parent to understand that children should not be beaten under any circumstances!

Why you shouldn't hit kids. Parental self-control and physical punishment

Opinions of moms from the forums

Olga: My opinion is that it is very strictly impossible. Because we begin to drive into a rigid framework, and when we are not around, the children will begin to come off to the fullest. Remember for yourself, you always begin to want even more what you can’t or don’t have. And we ourselves can not always fall asleep, even if we really want to. To beat or not to beat?? I am against beating, although I sometimes spank myself. Then I scold myself. I think raising a hand to a child, it’s just that we can’t cope with our emotions. You can just come up with a punishment. We have a corner. The little one terribly does not like to stand there, roars ... But we have an agreement with him if he is put there, until he calms down, I will not come up to talk to him. And it stays until it cools down. The most difficult thing is probably to find a punishment, because one method does not work for everyone.

Zanon2: not to beat but to punish! agree. but no beat!

Beloslav: I also spank sometimes, then I myself think I broke down again, you can’t beat ... I try to generally change the subject if the psychos attacked, usually it happens before a daytime sleep, but most of all it depresses me that the child, when he is naughty and I swear, says “beat”. he doesn’t speak in phrases yet. I explain that I love him and don’t want to beat him and won’t. beat...

Natalinka15: Yes, it’s a difficult topic, I try not to shout, but I don’t accept hitting a child at all, I try to negotiate. If it’s not possible to calmly agree, then for some time I leave my daughter alone and just turn around and leave. Sometimes she reacts differently, sometimes she immediately calms down and sometimes not. But when I leave, we both have time to think and calm down. In principle, it always works out, then solve everything amicably and we put up.

Palms_toward_the Sun: that's what I thought about ... why do we, adults and parents, allow ourselves to hit our child, if he leads out, acts as an irritant, if you can’t agree with him ... and why don’t we spank adults who are completely unrelated to us? ..... after all, those they can also annoy, offend ... after all, we will think a hundred times before punching our opponent in the face. Also? we are afraid to act as an aggressor, we want to look civilized, intelligent and tolerant, to translate the conflict into diplomacy. what about children then it does not work for some?

We also read: How to raise children: with a stick or a carrot? —

Video consultations of specialists

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