How to behave with an alcoholic? Useful advice from a psychologist

No one is safe from alcoholism. This trouble can come even in the most prosperous family. Dependence creeps up on the sly, imperceptibly and instantly puts on the shoulder blades, making it impossible to breathe. But this is not a curse that will accompany the patient until his death, everything can be corrected if you know how to behave with an alcoholic.

Psychology of an alcoholic

For a long time, scientists have studied the psychology of alcoholics. As a result of research, it became clear that a person does not have any specific feature that would characterize him as prone to alcoholism. This means that anyone can be exposed to this disease. Even temperament does not play a special role: anyone can become an alcoholic.

Alcohol abuse affects habits, character and appearance. Initially, a person who drinks occasionally and a chronic alcoholic are strikingly different, but over time they become similar to each other. Here we are talking about the leveling of personality, that is, complete degradation. Addicts do not want to admit that they are sick, and unanimously repeat that they drink for fun, they just do not notice that their mental health is already impaired.

People tend to underestimate the severity of this disease, this applies not only to alcoholics, but also to their relatives. Lectures on the dangers of alcohol and other moralizing will not save anyone, a sick person will agree, but do it his own way. To understand how to behave with an alcoholic, you must first understand the characteristics of the character of a sick person.

Character

First, every alcoholic is stubborn. The patient is clearly sure that he is his own master and no one has the right to teach him. If relatives and close friends start telling him what to do, then this will lead to conflicts. In this case, normal relationships can be destroyed.

Secondly, it is important to understand that a person with alcoholism can behave normally in society, share impressions, communicate with friends, but as soon as he is left alone with himself, disturbing thoughts, often of a suicidal nature, immediately begin to comprehend him.

Thirdly, in order to behave properly with an alcoholic, one must somehow adapt to the fact that such people have seven Fridays a week: today he realized the seriousness of his illness, but tomorrow he will beat his chest with his fist and loudly declare that he a full member of society, and he has no problems.

And fourthly, all alcoholics firmly believe that they can quit addiction at any time, but they need to drink at a particular moment.

What do psychologists say?

Speaking about how to behave with an alcoholic, psychologists advise treating them as people with a mental illness. After all, an alcoholic and an alcoholic are people who need medical treatment and psychological support. Only by contacting a psychologist, you can find out the exact cause of this disease. The specialist will tell you how to find leverage on a person and how to behave with an alcoholic.

Usually there are several causes of alcoholism:

Death of a loved one.
Searching for meaning at the bottom of a glass.
misunderstanding of others.
Loss of a loved one (divorce, infidelity, etc.).
Belief in your uniqueness. Single people perceive others as enemies, stupid people who do not understand anything in this life.
Feelings of guilt and self worthlessness.

Neuro Linguistic Programming

Everyone has heard about techniques by which you can encode a person, thereby saving him from cravings for alcohol. However, this is possible only with his consent, and no one guarantees that such a method will avert the patient forever from addiction. The remission period is 2-3 years.

On the other hand, progress does not stand still. NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) has been used for a long time. So how do you deal with an alcoholic? Psychologist number one advice is to bring him to an appointment with an NLP specialist. The specificity of this method lies in the fact that the patient is affected at the psycho-emotional level. The main purpose of such an impact is to restore the natural program of life in the subconscious, to recreate moral values and aversion to alcoholic beverages.

Living with an alcoholic

A drunk person can be easily recognized in a crowd: he has an unsteady gait, an untidy appearance, red and swollen eyes. Such a person has already, as a rule, lost his family or is on the verge of a divorce. After all, the pleasure of communicating with a drinker is very doubtful, and what can one actually talk about with him if he has only two problems on the agenda: where to get a drink and how to get rid of a hangover.

No matter how it sounds, but democracy and personal freedom of everyone have provided drinking people with a complete carte blanche. Today, there are no sobering-up stations and compulsory treatment for alcoholism. Narcologists help only on the condition that the alcoholic turns to them himself. Party meetings at enterprises have long since sunk into oblivion, when the collective had a serious talk with a stumbled person. Families of alcoholics, in fact, even have nowhere to turn.

Although, on the other hand, our people are used to drinking. Such is the mentality in Russia that not a single holiday in any apartment is complete without alcohol. But where they know the measure, everything is in order. Families exist normally, without quarrels and scandals. Others suffer for a long time with this problem or solve everything in a cardinal way:

The wife files for divorce.
Takes the kids.
Leaves.

And how to behave Certainly not to forgive and not tolerate, especially if she has children in her arms. The alcoholic husband has only two choices - either he completely becomes an inveterate drunkard, or he takes the right path. Usually, those who decide to cope with the problem on their own do not turn to a psychologist, because they consider this a weakness. But as practice shows, willpower in this case is everything. It is a pity that 90% of drinkers do not have it.

Make a choice

It is worth noting that it is never too late to help a person, the main thing is that he wants to change himself. It is necessary to find those very notorious levers of influence that will make a person rethink his behavior and take the right path. On the other hand, the relatives of a drinking person should understand that alcohol is not an enemy that can be defeated with one shot. Often long months of rehabilitation are required.

It is also worth considering the fact that any drinking person will sooner or later begin to realize the perniciousness of this habit, but will not be able to admit it to himself, because he will not know how to behave without alcohol.

Speaking about how to behave to the relatives of an alcoholic, it is worth noting that they have as many as three options to choose from:

Humble yourself.
Fight.
Wave your hand at the patient and leave.

An alcoholic in the family poisons life not only for himself, but also for those around him. He can drink away all the means of subsistence, start a scandal, fight or dance in the middle of the night. About friends that share this way of life, and there is nothing to say. Those who have lived with an alcoholic for a long time can give many examples of their behavior, from harmless and funny situations to the onset of delirium tremens.

Husband and wife

Women who were tolerant of drunkards often wondered how to help such a person. But it is worth noting that even the most patient spouse has a limit. How should the wife of an alcoholic behave? If she comes to terms with her husband's behavior and gives up on him, then her life will be full of nightmares. And so it will be until her husband dies from alcohol intoxication or crosses the line of the law.

Another option - women pack up and leave, and this is not the worst outcome. True, as statistics show, it is difficult for them to build new full-fledged relationships, because subconsciously they feel guilty that they did not support their loved one at a difficult moment. Since it is extremely difficult to behave normally with an alcoholic in a family, the first thing a woman should do is remember why she fell in love with her husband. After all, it was for what! Scroll through all the pleasant moments of life together, remember how he was looking forward to the birth of his first child. After all, he was not always an alcoholic, it just happened that way, and this needs to be fought.

Proven Methods

So what is the right way to deal with an alcoholic husband? Here are some proven recommendations:

Consult with a psychologist and psychotherapist. It is extremely important to understand the true reasons for such behavior. The specialist will help the inconsolable woman to look at the situation in a new way.
Remove all alcoholic beverages from the house and begin to gradually dare all the husband's drinking companions from the family nest.
If the husband does not see the problem, there is no need to put pressure on him. However, if he asks his wife for her opinion, he needs to directly and calmly tell his claims and wishes.
Reproaches, tantrums, scandals, threats are prohibited. A woman will really need a lot of patience to overcome her husband's alcoholism, because she will need to find an approach to her husband.
If a man does not see his illness, he will not change, so you need to force him to admit that he has an addiction.
Do not forget about yourself. You need to take care of your appearance, find a job, learn an additional foreign language. In a word, do self-improvement, that is, show your husband a positive example of how you can live without drinking alcohol.
An alcoholic cannot be justified by a lack of self-realization. There is no problem that cannot be solved. Moreover, you should not be a nanny to a sick person and follow him on his heels.
Until complex treatment has begun, a woman needs to protect herself and her children from the negative influence of a drunken husband.
You can not hide the existing problem from others.
It is necessary to behave in such a way that the husband understands whom he can lose.

What if it's the other way around?

In general, it is clear what needs to be done if the husband drinks. But if it's the other way around - How to deal with an alcoholic woman?

If the wife loves to look into the glass, then the husband should understand that he can leave at any moment, but thereby push his wife to the very bottom of the abyss. First you need to find out the reason for this behavior and follow the recommendations:

Make sure there is no alcohol in the house.
Limit a woman's finances so she can't afford to buy booze outside of the home.
Moral support: do not scold, do not humiliate and do not frighten with a divorce.
Protect a woman from friends who are drinkers.
Do not drink alcohol yourself and with a woman.
Try not to go to parties, restaurants, or presentations where the wife might lose control and get drunk.
Do not leave her alone at home for a long time.
Persuade her to go to an appointment with a specialist (in this regard, women are more malleable than men).

Aggression

Alcoholics are different. Someone will “grunt” and quietly go to bed, while someone will demand bread and circuses, and if they don’t receive them, they will begin to show aggression. So how do you deal with an aggressive alcoholic?

World peace. You need to learn how to manage your emotions: do not respond to outright provocations, ignore insults, calmly answer questions.
Switching attention. For example, you can tell a drunk that he is dirty, so you need to change clothes.
Agreement. You need to behave calmly and confidently and agree with what the drunk person says, promise what he requires at this moment, and continue to go about your business.
Shock therapy. A bucket of cold water is what you need. A person will not only stop showing aggression, but will also understand that such behavior is unacceptable.

It is also strictly forbidden to reproach, blame, humiliate and insult an aggressive addict. You can not buy him alcohol or give him money. It is also fraught with consequences to prevent him from drinking or taking away alcohol. And in no case should you show your fear and weakness.

Fathers and Sons

If everything is clear with husbands and wives, then what should the mother of an alcoholic do? How should a poor woman behave if her son or daughter is wasting their lives aimlessly, constantly looking into a glass?

Of course, the love of parents knows no bounds, but its excess can become the very catalyst that led to drunkenness.

Can't patronize. If a child is sold booze, then he is an adult. And if he is an adult, then he must be responsible for his actions. Stop calling every half an hour, control his every step, take care of his diet, etc. Let the son or daughter do what they want, when they want. You need to scold not for drunkenness as such, but for the fact of antisocial behavior.
Rebuild life. How to deal with an alcoholic son or daughter? First, understand that it is a disease. Secondly, take care of money and precious things so that they are not available to the alcoholic. Thirdly, remove all alcohol from the house.
Subsequence. Set the rules and make no exceptions or concessions.
Independence. Let the alcoholic solve his own problems. When they force him to capitulate, he will only be grateful. It is at that moment that he needs support and help.

It is extremely important to understand that alcoholism is not a congenital defect, but an acquired addiction, it is possible (even necessary) to fight it.

Show the sick person that there are many amazing things in the world that are worth paying attention to. No need to patronize him, otherwise he will take it for granted. Let him understand that he also has a responsibility that he cannot fully justify due to constant drunkenness. Tips on how to behave with an alcoholic will help relatives and friends put the patient on the true path, and he will understand that even without drinking the world plays with bright colors.