Unrequited love advice from a psychologist. Unrequited love. What to do if you are not loved

Always presented as a bright and pure feeling, forgetting what it can bring negative emotions and even pain.

For example, if you have unrequited love: what to do in this case?

Unrequited love - what does it mean?

Everyone has experienced unrequited love at least once.

In this feeling there is hope for a possible reciprocity, a great desire to be with a specific person, pain from an unrequited feeling, unwillingness to move on.

Some people experience this feeling for years. At the same time, they themselves understand the hopelessness of their situation and even make some attempts to destroy this connection, but, most often, they remain unsuccessful.

What to do if you fell in love married man? Learn about it from ours.

Psychology and causes

The first thing to understand is that the feeling is unhealthy. And the longer it goes on, the worse it is for you.

What is the problem with unrequited love?

At the same time, a person most often does not notice himself when he steps on this path. He seems to be in oblivion.

In this state, it may take a long time before the individual aware of his problem and will begin to at least make some attempts to break out of this vicious circle.

Why do I always fall in love unrequited?

So why is your love often not reciprocated?

How to deal with unrequited love for a girl?

Fell in love with a girl, but she did not reciprocate? What to do in such a situation?

How to live on?

It is very difficult to live with unrequited love. It’s as if a void has formed in your heart and it seems that only this person can fill it. But actually it is not.

First of all, you need to admit to yourself that you are in the shackles of unrequited love. She has enslaved you and wears you down regularly.

Try something to distract yourself or change the scenery. Don't delve into yourself all day trying to figure out what's wrong with you and why he doesn't love you. Open to change. Bring something new to life change it drastically.

And in general, start living already, and not exist in the shadow of this person. Look for new emotions and impressions, expand your social circle.

Try to make sure that you no free time left. Dedicate it to work or hobbies.

Switching to another activity helps to forget unrequited feelings.

Ask for help. Your friends or loved ones can help you deal with this problem.

But if you feel that the situation is out of control, do not be afraid to contact a psychologist. A specialist will help you understand the problem and fix it.

Which is better: to love or to be loved? find out right now.

Books

Artwork about unrequited love:

M. Mitchell "Gone with the Wind";
V. Nabokov "Lolita";
G.G. Marquez "Love in the Time of Plague";
J. Fowles "The Collector";
E. Bronte "Wuthering Heights".

For psychology:

I. Yalom "Treatment for love and other psychotherapeutic novels";
Dean K. Delis, C. Phillips. "The paradox of passion: she loves him, but he does not.";
I. Korchagin "How to survive unhappy love";
M. Litvak "4 types of love";
Leil Lowndes how to make anyone fall in love with you. A short theoretical course and the most complete practical guide to the psychology of romantic love.

Unrequited love is not the best feeling often destructive who suffers from it. But it is possible and even necessary to fight against it.

Unrequited love: what to do? The main mistakes in a situation of unrequited love:

The situation when one person is emotionally attracted to another, but does not receive the same in return, is familiar to almost everyone. This is unrequited love. Often unrequited love leads to depression, psychological breakdowns, even suicide. What to do if unrequited love overtook you?

The victim of unrequited love is easy to identify.
Those suffering from unrequited love stand out from the crowd with a dreary and haunted look, a pale and exhausted expression. They lose their taste for life, nothing pleases them. Suffering is accompanied by regular and profuse tears in anticipation of a phone call from a person who, by and large, does not need it. The “victim” of unrequited love, as a rule, either begins to “eat” his grief with a huge amount of chocolate and other harmful carbohydrates, or starve himself, while wanting to get HIM so desired and so far away. To be honest, there are not many options for getting out of this situation. Or take and fall out of love, or conquer the desired object of desire, if necessary, starving him out.

Fall out of love.
Of course, it would be easy to take and fall out of love, finally get rid of what hinders us. However, this is the paradox: the more we convince ourselves that we do not need the object of unrequited love, the more actively the desire to get it grows in us. No matter how you resist and give logical arguments, the words “I love him very much and I can’t live without him!” overshadow all arguments against. It is not easy to deal with this in this case. Often, many people confuse true love with fiery passion, hypertrophied wounded pride or a selfish desire to have the object of their dreams right now. In any case, regardless of the reason, time will put everything in its place, because it is the surest medicine. Of course, for some, the “recovery” period will take several weeks, while for others it will take several years. Recently, British scientists said that even the deepest feeling after three years goes by on the wane. Therefore, if you cannot live without it and cry only at the mere mention of it, know that you have a maximum of three years left to suffer.

Get distracted.
Another option to forget about unrequited love is to try to distract yourself. For example, to direct all your time and all your strength into work, to completely occupy your thoughts with career advancement. As paradoxical as it sounds, it is precisely the unrealized feeling that stimulates a person to commit labor and creative impulses. There are many examples of this, many poets, writers, artists created their works now known to the whole world during a period of deep spiritual experiences. And the desire to prove to a person who did not share your feeling, did not appreciate you, whom he lost, encourages you to perform feats, to achieve unprecedented heights. Often unrequited love increases social activity those who were rejected: girls are losing weight and getting prettier, men are getting richer. In this case, the saying “wouldn’t there be happiness, but misfortune helped” is relevant. However, there must be a sense of proportion everywhere. It is important, in an effort to prove your worth, not to pass by real life.

Start a new relationship?
Often, many people, in order to forget about suffering and mental anguish, start a new relationship. In this situation, one can only feel sorry for the new chosen one, since he will have to observe and steadfastly endure all the mental throwing of the victim of unrequited love. As a rule, a new passion does not know that it is just a means of drowning out pain, so she has to endure all changes in mood, unreasonable irritability and breakdowns. The “victim” of unrequited love, as a rule, considers a new relationship a lifeline, but in reality she begins to hate a person who, in fact, is not to blame for anything. Aversion to the unloved "victim" is unable to overcome, she desperately begins to feel sorry for herself because of the perfect stupidity. In addition, in this situation, a person cannot soberly appreciate the applicant for the place of the second half. After all, this person can have a lot of pluses, virtues, but at the same time be not the same, because the image of the person who rejected is always in front of his eyes, making it impossible to adequately assess and understand that happiness can be nearby. In addition, a person suffering from unrequited love becomes just as cruel and ruthless towards the person next to him. Out of a sense of revenge, many even make a big mistake by marrying unloved people. As a rule, all this ends as badly as it began. It is not possible to get rid of the mental anguish of the rejected "victim", only time is wasted, and one's own and others' nervous system deteriorates.

Of course, there are times when a new relationship really makes you forget your old love, understand that happiness is right there, and those feelings were just a whim.

Act ahead.
But if a person is stubborn, really sure that he has no life without a person who has rejected his love, then unrequited love can be transferred to the category of divided love. Of course, this process is not easy, long and requires patience and endurance. With the help of methods of psychological manipulation, as well as in the absence of persistent rejection of the rejected side towards you, you can achieve the location of the object of your dreams. After all, as a rule, we all react predictably to certain situations, think in a standard way and have similar dreams. You can achieve your goal by believing in yourself and correctly applying the skills of psychological influence and strategic talents. Agree, if a person is dear, it is worth fighting for your happiness.

However, with a favorable outcome of this scenario, there is a catch. Having become close to the object of your adoration, after a while it turns out that the person you were afraid to even breathe on lives an ordinary life: he talks on the phone for a long time, litters, eats a lot, scatters his things, etc. In this situation, you recognize a person on the other side, maybe not even quite ideal, and ask yourself: “Did I need it?”.

In conclusion, I want to note that no matter what path you choose for yourself, you need to soberly assess the situation, understand that the process of emotional experiences and suffering is final, that the pace of “healing” depends only on you. And then the proverb “Everything that is done is for the better” is relevant in this case. You have known a real feeling, if it turned out to be not mutual - do not despair, because happiness is always with us, you just need to take a good look around.

True love involves mutual feelings, but sometimes emotions go unanswered. Many people have experienced unrequited attraction in their lives. Most easily passed through suffering and let go of the object of worship. But often unrequited love becomes an unbearable burden, a strong feeling does not let go. Psychologists give advice to break the one-way relationship. How to survive unrequited love?

Causes

To know how to deal with unrequited love, it is worth finding out the reasons for this feeling.

Internal state. Fatigue, depression affect the overall energy, and disappointment in love becomes an addition to the general emotional background.
Low self-esteem. Self-doubt is reinforced by attitudes: “I’m too ugly for him”, “I don’t match him”, “No one will ever love me.” The lower a person evaluates himself, the more difficult it is for him to achieve reciprocal feelings. There is a strong belief that "I will always be worse than others."
Benefits of unrequited love. Sometimes such feelings have advantages, but the person is not aware of them. This is a way to hide from life, subconsciously a person does not want to be in a relationship, and a one-sided feeling allows you to get away from them.
Illusion of love experiences. Unrequited love creates a vivid picture of emotional life. It contains suffering, hope, internal events associated with the object of love. I don't want to get out of this illusion into a problematic reality.
Usually people who did not see a model of a happy relationship in childhood do not cope with falling in love. Parents did not show them an example of trusting relationships. It is difficult for such a person to imagine mutual love, it seems to him that intimacy does not exist. The consequences of this are the choice of an unrequited feeling or a complete closure from love.

These reasons may not be recognized, but accepting them can answer the question, “How do you deal with unrequited love?”

Unrequited love is like an addiction

If a person cannot for a long time, then psychologists sometimes use the term "love addiction" or addiction. Love addictions are often compared to alcohol or gambling addiction, only instead of alcohol or games - a living person. When he is not around, the dependent person experiences real torment. He can get sick, get fat, lose weight, looks exhausted. Depending on love, a person directs all his thoughts and actions to the object of passion. Can write letters to him, guard at the house, pursue in in social networks.

Signs of love addiction:

a love feeling arises for a person who experiences indifference;
a woman or a man experiences unhappy love for a very long time, sometimes for years;
along with love for the object of worship, a range of feelings is experienced, from jealousy to resentment.

With a severe form of addiction, a career suffers, hobbies and friends leave. Psychologists note that often people come to the reception with the request: “How to cope with love addiction?”. In most cases, their condition is already very serious. Unhappy love is often sung in literature, the most striking example is Petrarch and his Laura.

On a note! Psychologists recommend using love addictions writing down suffering, thoughts, keeping a diary is one of the methods of psychotherapeutic practice.

First experience

In youth, many are faced with unrequited love. The first experience, an attempt to build relationships and feelings, is usually accompanied by self-doubt, increased emotionality, idealization of the object of worship. Sometimes unrequited love is useful for outgrowing most of the complexes and fears in adolescents. But it happens that young people are disappointed, first love leaves a negative imprint on all subsequent relationships. Unhappy love is hard to forget, you always return to it with your thoughts.

What to do? How to survive first love? To begin with, it is worth thanking life for the lessons, love comes to us for a reason. We learn to build relationships, observe, become better and improve for a loved one.

You should also sift the wheat from the chaff. No need to stick the flaws of former lovers on a new lover or beloved. It is useful to break the habit of comparison. Yes, it's not easy to do. Negative experiences often pop up in memory, but you need to thank the universe that you found out who you really need.

survive rejection

Sometimes, in order to get reciprocity, you need to make a confession. It's scary to confess your feelings, get rejected and kill hope. How to survive rejection? But psychologists recommend not to be afraid to talk about emotions. It's better than dreaming about reciprocity for years and not making an attempt to be together.

Open recognition allows you to get out of the vicious circle, to get mutual relations. Even if the answer is no, then you need to enter a new stage and build a different level of relationships, taking into account all past mistakes. Don't forget to praise yourself for your courage!

Video: psychologist Natalya Tolstaya about unrequited love

How to help yourself

But how to survive not mutual love? We will analyze the advice of a psychologist. The Masters of Psychological Science recommend the following actions.

Investigation of the cause

If you cannot cope with unrequited feelings for more than 6 months, then there are reasons that incline you to love one-sidedly. Try to answer the questions honestly. What makes you continue to suffer? What is the reason behind the unrequited feeling and desire to be loved? Maybe the reason for this is the fear that you will be offended or the lack of confidence in your own attractiveness? What is the main fear in a relationship? If you managed to find out the reason, then you need to deal with it.

"Scatter the fire"

The poet Ovid advised unhappy love to be treated by throwing fires. Reception today is advised by psychologists. May you have many resources that will allow you to escape from an unrequited feeling. New job, hobby, hobby, volunteer help. It could be yoga, dancing, driving classes, a reading club, anything. If you scatter the firebrands of a love fire in this way, you can soon see that it has gone out.

This powerful tool helps to reduce stress, as the feeling of melancholy disappears with sweat - adrenaline is produced. In this way, Nadezhda Babkina and many other stars cope with stress.

Make lemonade

A good method was recommended by Carnegie. He advised making lemonade out of sour lemon. love feeling can be directed to the creation, and not to the destruction of oneself. There are many examples of people coping with stress and rising above their experiences.

Looking for flaws

Feelings for a man or woman are often based on idealization. A loved one is endowed with only positive qualities, only good things are seen in him. Try to go the other way. Write on a piece of paper all the shortcomings, remember all the flaws, even if they are fictional. This powerful tool is suitable for people with a developed imagination.

Video: psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, about unrequited love:

Conclusion

The feelings of a person experiencing one-sided love are similar to hopelessness. It seems that there is no way out of the situation. If you have fallen in love and do not know how to survive unrequited love, you should consider contacting a specialist. In severe cases, a family psychologist or psychotherapist can help.

Love is the most important feeling in the world. It is the foundation of the universe. Let us recall the words of the holy apostle and evangelist John the Theologian: “God is love” (1 John 4:8). In turn, the holy supreme apostle Paul wrote: “And now these three remain: faith, hope, love; but love is the greater of them” (1 Cor. 13:13).

Before the fall, the first people in Paradise were in fellowship of love with the Lord. They visibly and directly communicated with their Creator. And it was pure and holy love.

After the fall of the holy forefathers Adam and Eve, the concept of love acquired distorted forms. It was mixed with passion and sin. The human heart, in which the source of Divine love bountifully beat, became clouded. Pure spring water turned into a dirty swamp slurry.

Mankind has almost lost correct understanding love. It took the efforts of dozens of generations of Old Testament prophets, led by the grace of the Holy Spirit, as well as the incarnation of the Lord and God and our Savior Jesus Christ and the establishment of the Church by him so that blinded humanity would again find the path to Love.

In fact, all Orthodox asceticism, all Orthodox deeds of both priests, monks, and laity are aimed at, with the help of prayer, fasting, communion with the Sacraments of the Church, cultivation of the virtues (humility, repentance, mercy, patience, etc.) , through the creation of good deeds for the Lord and neighbors to come to the pinnacle of Orthodoxy - to become a conductor of Divine love. You need to understand that love is the pinnacle of a difficult, steep and dangerous mountain titled "Life". And you can’t jump to this peak with a run. But one must patiently and for a long time make a difficult ascent, in which everything will be: falls, and scratches on sharp rocks and thorny bushes, and the joy of achieving the intended goals, and icy cold winds with snow, but also the gentle sun with beautiful and transparent mountain views. And at the end of the road, love awaits us as a reward.

I repeat: in us, who are at the beginning of the path, the concept of love is distorted by sin, or, to put it modern language, selfishness. The pop culture industry, with its entertainment and the cult of sex, is also pushing us to this.

What are the signs of true love?

The Lord has revealed them to us.

And the first one is sacrifice. “There is no greater love than if a man lays down his life for his friends,” said the Savior in the Gospel of John (15:13). This is the sacrifice of oneself, one's own strengths, talents, time in order to bring benefit to another person.

The second sign is indifference. The absence of lust or other sinful selfish motive, when you treat another person only as an object of satisfying your desires.

The third is generality. Let's go back to the first conciliar Epistle John the Theologian: “Whoever says: “I love God”, but hates his brother, he is a liar: for he who does not love his brother whom he sees, how can he love God whom he does not see? (4:20). And who is "my brother"? These are all people living on earth. Without exception. An indicator of whether there is true Divine love in us can be our attitude towards enemies or towards people towards whom we feel hostility. Do we love them? That is why our Lord Jesus Christ said: “But I say to you: love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven, for he commands his sun to rise on the evil and the good.” and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward will you have? Do not the publicans do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what special thing do you do? Don't the pagans do the same? Therefore, be perfect, even as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matt. 5:43-48).

On this occasion, the holy martyr of the 20th century Gregory of Shlisselburg wrote that, of course, it is easy to love with a touch of selfishness and trade and economic relations such as “you to me, I to you”: to love a child who looks like you; the friend you praise and support because he praises and supports you; boss you depend on beautiful woman that you want to possess, etc. But to love an enemy or a person unpleasant to you is the highest manifestation of love, a real feat. After all, the enemy does not stroke your head, rather the opposite. But at the same time, just like you, he is the temple of God, the image and likeness of God.

The fourth, perhaps the most important sign of true love is “God-centeredness”. In the beautiful and very useful spiritual work "Philokalia" the following geometric example is given. Human life is represented as a circle. The center of the circle is God. This is a must at all times. All radii (deeds, actions) of human life must pass through the center, that is, serve God and be sanctified by him. Then a person's life will be full, harmonious, correct. Let us recall the two commandments on which “all the law and the prophets are established”: “Jesus said to him: love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind: this is the first and greatest commandment; the second is like it: love thy neighbor as thyself...” (Matt. 22:37–40). That is, true love always originates in the fear of God and in love for Him.

We also need to talk about unrequited love. It seems to me that this is a spiritual and emotional disease that most people in their age and kind have experienced. At the core of unrequited love is the sin of human pleasing, idolatry, when God, the world, other people fade into the background, and a person is placed on a pedestal, a passion for whom you feel.

Joseph Brodsky very accurately described the state of unrequited love in the poem “From Nowhere with the Love of March 11th”: “I loved you more than angels and myself, and therefore it is now farther from you than from both of them.” By "Himself" God is meant. That is, in a passion called "unrequited love" there is such an emotional degree of intensity that elevates the object of adoration above everything else. And that is why the Lord does not allow this passion to be realized in reality. Let us recall the novel by the great psychologist of Russian literature, Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky, The Idiot. Rogozhin experienced a feeling of unrequited love for Nastasya Filippovna. At the end of the novel, she threw herself into his arms. And how did it all end? He killed her.

In Denmark or Holland at the end of the last century there was a terrible murder. A Japanese student fell in love with his girlfriend, a blond Danish woman, so much that he killed her and ate her. He motivated this by the fact that he had to have his beloved entirely inside him. Of course, this is a pathology. But it shows how dangerous and destructive the feeling of unrequited love is. This is a very strong passion, fueled by egoism and the desire to possess, often pushing a person to crazy deeds. A fairly large percentage of suicides is associated precisely with the feeling of unrequited love. Let us recall its classic example from Johann Wolfgang Goethe's novel The Sorrows of Young Werther, where everything ends very tragically: because of unrequited love, Werther kills himself.

The egoism of the syndrome of unrequited love is expressed primarily in the fact that a person loves an image he has invented, and not really an existing person from flesh and blood. Such a person is likened to the mythical Pygmalion, who in his fantasy sculpted the sculpture of Galatea, revived it in his imagination and worships her, cultivating a dangerous passion within himself that can explode with great danger both to a person and to those around him.

Moreover, such a person no longer lives with one foot in reality, but wanders in a labyrinth created from his fantasies and desires, more and more plunging into the abyss of chimeras and passions, moving away from reality and, first of all, from God.

What can you advise a person who wants to find his soul mate with God's help and travels through life like a temple from broken hearts, as Viktor Tsoi sang in one of his songs?

It seems to me that the 24th chapter of the Old Testament Book of Genesis is very useful in this sense. It tells how the holy forefather Abraham and his faithful servant Eleazar were looking for a bride for Saint Isaac.

It all started with prayer and blessing. Then Abraham called to swear to Eleazar that he would find a bride for his son only from that people who keep the commandments of God. Then the faithful slave went on a journey. His caravan reached the city of Harran (now the territory of southern Turkey), where near the well from which the camels were watered, Eleazar stopped and prayed to God that He would send his master a good bride. Then he began to wait and watch the girls. Rebekah came and watered not only Eleazar, but also his camels. Imagine how much work she had to spend on this! After all, a camel that has traveled a long time in the desert drinks a lot. During one experiment, a camel drank about 103 liters of water in ten minutes! But the industrious and merciful girl watered both the wanderers and the camels. And then, after the proposal of marriage, the next day she unconditionally followed Eleazar to her future husband Isaac, whom she had never seen before. And it was from this marriage, after many tens of generations, that our Lord Jesus Christ was born.
What does this Old Testament story teach us? She opens the way to finding her soul mate, which is also the way to get rid of the bitterness of unrequited love.

Prayer and trust in God. A request to Him for finding a companion (companion) of life. His search is under the blessing of God. The search is not emotional-erotic, but thoughtful and sober. How did Saint Abraham and Eleazar look for a bride? It is necessary that she try to live according to the commandments of God, confess them. She should be meek and merciful, able to respond to the misfortune or problems of her neighbor. Figuratively speaking, so that she wants to drink both you and your camels. It is important that she be ready for this wonderful, but also hard work of creating a family. And then this amazing and sacred miracle of marriage happens. Let's take a look at Rebekah. She leaves her home, her parents and goes hundreds of kilometers with an almost unknown person in order to marry another young man, Isaac, who is completely unknown to her.

But she does. Why?

Call of God.

It is necessary that we solve all our earthly affairs, including the search for a soul mate, through turning to God. And if the radius of our life is directed towards the Almighty as the center, then He will surely, if it is useful for us, give exactly that life partner who will become not just another object of enjoyment, but a collaborator for the acquisition of the Kingdom of Heaven.

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Unrequited love is a dangerous feeling. It can drive a weak-minded person into a corner and lead to suicide. Depression, constant thoughts about the object of adoration, the desire to call, write, meet, although you know for sure that this is not at all mutual - this is what causes unrequited love.

Chase negative thoughts away and listen to the advice of psychologists if you suffer from unrequited love .

How to get rid of unrequited love in 12 steps - a guide to finding happiness

Get rid of internal conflict With myself : realize that there can be no future with your object of adoration, you can never be around.

Understand that your feeling is not mutual and mentally release your loved one.
Immerse yourself in study, work . Think of a new hobby: dancing, cycling, yoga, English, French or Chinese courses. Try to make sure that you simply do not have time for sad thoughts.
Try changing your social circle. If possible, rarely meet with friends who, even by their presence, remind you of a loved one.
Change your image. Do new haircut, get some new fashion items.
Help solve problems to your relatives and friends. You can sign up to volunteer at any charitable foundation or help workers at an animal shelter.
Do not accumulate negative emotions and thoughts in yourself, let them come out. The best remedy from the negative - this is a sport.

Visit the gym and dump all the weight of your pessimistic thoughts on the machines and punching bags.
Get your inner world in order. Broken heart you need to heal by reading developing literature about self-knowledge and self-improvement. This will help you look at the world in a new way, it will make you rethink life values and set priorities correctly. Read also:
Mentally put an end to the past and start making plans for the future. Set new goals for yourself and strive to achieve them.
Boost your self-esteem. There are many affirmations and meditations on this topic. Do not focus on one single person who did not appreciate you. Do not forget that you are a person created by God for joy and love. You have many positive qualities, which you can easily identify in yourself, and everyone will have flaws. Work on yourself, get rid of bad habits, improve yourself.
Probably, you remember the proverb "a wedge is knocked out with a wedge"? Don't stay at home! Visit exhibitions, cinemas, theaters.

Who knows, maybe your fate is already very close and, perhaps, soon you will meet true mutual love, which will bring not suffering, but a sea of \u200b\u200bhappy days. Read also:
If you feel like you can't do it on your own, then it is better to consult with experts . Contact a psychologist who will individually help you solve this problem.
Appreciate yourself and know that your mutual love and fate will surely find you soon!

Psychologists' advice on how to survive unrequited love and never return to it again

Unrequited love is familiar to many. Here are the requests and questions that specialists receive, and What do psychologists advise? :

Marina: Hello, I am 13 years old. For two years now I have liked a guy from my school who is now 15 years old. I see him at school every day, but I hesitate to approach him. What to do? I suffer from unrequited love.

In this situation psychologists advise find this person on social networks and chat with him. From this virtual dialogue, it will be possible to understand what actions can be taken in real life.

Vladimir: Help! I seem to be going crazy! I love a girl who just doesn't pay any attention to me. I am tormented by nightmares at night, I lost my appetite, I completely abandoned my studies. How to deal with unrequited love?

Psychologists recommend doing the following: imagine that you are looking at the current situation from the future, with a time interval of two years. After such a time, this problem will not have the slightest significance.

You can travel in your fantasies into the future, several years, months ahead, or into the past. Tell yourself that this time was not very successful, but next time you will definitely be lucky. By moving mentally through time, you can discover and develop a productive attitude towards the situation.

Even these negative situations will bring positive to the future: experiencing not very good events now, you will be able to better assess the components of the future life, gain experience.

Svetlana: I am in the 10th grade and I love unrequitedly a 17-year-old boy from the 11th grade of our school. We met with him in a common company four times. Then he started dating a girl from his class, and I continued to wait, hope and believe that soon he would be mine. But he recently broke up with ex-girlfriend and began to pay attention to me. I should be happy, but for some reason my heart became even harder than before. And if he offers to meet me, then I will most likely refuse - I'm not going to be an alternate airfield. But I also really want to be close to this guy. What to do, how to forget unrequited love? I do my homework, I go to bed - I think about him and torture myself. Please give advice!

Psychologist's advice: Svetlana, if the guy you sympathize with could not take a step towards meeting you, then take the initiative into your own hands. Maybe he's shy, or thinks he's not your type.

Try to start a conversation first. Find him on social media and text him first. This way you can establish initial contact and find common ground in interests and other topics.

Take action. Otherwise, you will experience unrequited love. Who knows, maybe he's in love with you too?

Sofia: How to get rid of unrequited love? I love without reciprocity and I understand that there is no prospect, no hope for a joint future ahead, but only emotional experiences and suffering. They say that you need to thank Life for what makes it possible to love. After all, if you love, then you live. But why is it very difficult to let go of a person and forget unrequited love?

Psychologist's advice: Unrequited love is a mirage. A person draws an image in his imagination and falls in love with this ideal, and not with a real person with his shortcomings and virtues. If love is unrequited, then there is no relationship, as such. Love is always two, and if one of them does not want to take part in a relationship, then this is not a love relationship.

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